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About
Thinking out loud Everything seemed so simple once upon a time - get married, have , live a happy life. But the older I've gotten without such, the more I've questioned their usefulness. Some people I've known have gotten more desperate with age, but I seem to have gotten more cynical with the status quo. I don't really want . well, I don't really want to TAKE CARE of , which to me is the same thing. I mean, had I impregnated someone unknowingly and then one day found out I had offspring running around, that might be okay. But, really, at some point, don't you just get a bit wisened up? I mean, why would I now - as I'm approaching 40 - want to someone who is the same age? So that we can watch ourselves slowly deteriorate into middle age? No fucking thanks. After my last relationship ended (with a 23 year old), my father said, well, maybe you should date someone your own age. I said, the problem is that women my own age look so old now! I don't mean to be prickish, but it's true. Everything I love about women has already or is beginning to fade in my age group. The slim, trim, not-an-ounce of fat figures; the glistening, soft, caramel cream skin; the bright, glowing, makeup-free face from which exudes a life-affirming smile... all those are going, going, or gone. And when people say, well, you just need to see the inner-beauty... fucking get real. This isn't a television commercial. If I found fat chicks attractive I could have slept with 4 or 5 times as many women by this point. But it doesn't work that way. I've slept with a few that I wasn't really attracted to and it was not fun... probably for either of us. And on the intellectual front, forget it. It seems people in my age group thought being engaged in the world was a college . Now people just seem to talk endlessly about others' relationship problems, celebrities' relationship problems, their pets, or their future interior decorating plans. , shut your pieholes! And even if I were to find that perfect combination of intellect and beauty, what then? I already know how love goes. You do the whole 6 months of walking on clouds, 3 months of slowly coming down, then reality sets in. Although lately I seem to have been able to condense the whole process into a few weeks at most. And if you get beyond that, then what? Wait for one of us to die? That's great. Maybe it'll be a real slow descent, with a long dip in the old dementia pond first. I don't know where I'm going with this, just some stream of consciousness BS, I guess.
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Zora
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